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Monday, August 4, 2008
Monday The cca and zuowen thing is resolved.
but not resolved the way i expected it to be. i didnt sign the consent form for the zuowen thing. coz i am determined not to go. 11 Aug (Next Monday) is nationals. 8 Aug (Friday) is national day celebrations, no cca. That leaves me with only tuesday, which is tmr, to train. That's my last chance, my last and only chance to learn the whole of my taolu before i go for nationals. yet li lao shi has to snatch it away from me. just because of that zuowen thing, which so UNFORTUNATELY has to fall on the same day as cca day. li lao shi asked for my consent form today after lang arts ICAS. I told her the truth. i said i didnt want to go. and she said something which hurts me alot. "ru2 guo3 wo3 jin1 tian1 mei2 you3 ti2 qi3 zhe4 jian4 shi4 de4 hua4, na4 ni3 jiu4 jue2 ding4 zhe4 yang4 suan4 la4?" when tszkiu and i have alr planned to explain to her together aft the ICAS. tszkiu is the only one who always stays by my side, and she's even willing to not go for her cca tmr to replace me for the zuowen thing. tszkiu and me has alr agreed to explain everything, after the ICAS. and li lao shi has to say that. she didnt let me have the chance to explain before she made her conclusion. i have been her chinese rep for like almost 2 years. and i dare to say i have been reponsible being a chinese rep, i accomplished every mission she gave me. and she took it for granted. i can sense that li lao shi is very disappointed with me, but let me tell you, i am even more disappointed in her. am i so irresponsible in her eyes that i will just pon the zuowen thing and take it as nothing has happened? she has no trust in me, she dosent let me explain. i didnt make a decision actually. whether to go for CCA or the zuowen thing. i wanted to find a compromise, but it just happens to fall on the EXACT same day, the EXACT same time. what do you want me to do? cut myself into 2? why can't li lao shi just understand? why is it always my fault? let me explain the situation. my baguazhang. there are 8 parts to it. i learnt the 1,3,4,5 and 6th part. which leaves me with 2,7 and 8th. 3 more zhang. excluding the national day celebrations whereby there will be no cca, tuesday is the only trng left for me to learn all 3 of them. if tuesday, my last chance to learn is also taken away from me, how do you expect me to go for competition? how? the stress from the competition is alr weighing me down, i am so stressed that i dun feel like talking to anyone. i usually talk alot with pc and yunfei, but i dun think i even spoke a word to pc today, except when he asked for a piece of foolscap from me. i also didnt talk alot to yunfei today, only when i asked for a look at her passport photo. (the one i muz look at least once everyday) i am alr very depressed, and lls had to hurt me like that. i really feel like crying. my blog is open to the public. i dun care if li lao shi reads my blog. i really dun care, coz this is how i feel deep down inside. i dun want to bottle it up. it only makes me feel worse. the only 2 things that makes me happy today, is that i know tszkiu and eva are my true friends. friends that will stay by my side and help me no matter what happens. tszkiu loves choir so much, yet she's willing to sacrifice it just to replace me. and eva, for trusting me, that i can do well in nationals. I REALLY LOVE BOTH OF YOU :D ahboon shall go and do her homework. she only hopes that everything will turn out better tmr. SS501 FIGHTING!!!{2:53 AM}
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Ultimate Fan
BoonKee
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